Why You Still Feel Shame After Leaving a Toxic Job

You finally left the toxic job that drained your energy, your joy, and maybe even your health. So why do you still feel... ashamed?

If you're wrestling with guilt, doubt, or even grief after walking away from a toxic work environment, you're not alone. And more importantly, you’re not crazy.

Today, I want to break down why that shame shows up even after you make the brave choice to leave a career situation that was draining you physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and financially.... and how you can start healing and moving forward.

Let's talk about 5 reasons why you might still feel shame after leaving a toxic work environment.

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1. Societal Expectations

As women, we're conditioned to prioritize everyone else's needs over our own. Society celebrates resilience, self-sacrifice, "sticking it out."

When you leave a toxic job, you're flipping that script. You're saying, "I deserve better." And unfortunately, that choice isn't always celebrated, even by people who love you.

You might hear, "But you had a good salary!" or "You were lucky to even have a job in this economy!" Or maybe they just give you that look. You know. The one that says, “Was it really that bad?”

When your decision is questioned, it’s easy to question yourself. But listen: just because others wouldn’t have made the same choice doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right one, especially when the environment was killing you slowly.

2. The Stigma Around Leaving Jobs

There's a stigma that leaving a job, especially without another one lined up, means you're flaky, irresponsible, or a quitter.

Let me be clear: Quitting a toxic job isn't quitting on yourself. It's fighting for yourself.

If you left without another job waiting, people might assume you were impulsive or emotional. But they didn’t see the nights you cried after work. The mornings you couldn’t get out of bed. The stress that was starting to take a toll on your body.

Quitting isn't failure. It's wisdom. It's self-awareness. And it takes more courage to leave a harmful situation than to stay stuck in it.

3. Internalized Self-Doubt

When you’ve spent months (or years) in a toxic environment that minimized your skills, second-guessed your decisions, and made you feel "not enough," it’s easy to internalize that narrative.

So when you leave, your brain sometimes shouts: "See? You couldn't hack it." That voice gets louder when you don’t have a clear plan or when you feel uncertain about what’s next.

But that's a lie.

The truth? Leaving isn't proof that you weren't good enough. It's proof that you knew your worth and chose to honor it.

And listen, you might be second-guessing yourself because your job made you doubt yourself every day. That lingering self-doubt isn’t a sign that you made the wrong choice. It’s a sign that healing needs to happen, and then you'll be ready to thrive in your career again.

4. Fear of Financial Instability or Career Setback

Leaving often stirs up fears about money, career trajectory, and starting over.

If you've tied your identity or stability to your paycheck, walking away can feel terrifying. Especially if you’re the primary provider or you’ve always prided yourself on being independent.

You may worry, “What if I can’t find something better?” or “What if I have to settle just to make ends meet?”

But here's what I tell my clients: God is your provider, not your job. And while that doesn't mean you won’t face moments of fear, it does mean you don’t have to stay stuck in places that hurt you just to feel secure.

You are still valuable. Your skills are still valid. Your career isn't over. It's just transitioning.

5. Disenfranchised Grief

Most people don’t talk about grief when it comes to career transitions, but it’s real.

When you leave a job, you lose more than a paycheck. You lose routines. Friendships. A part of your identity. You might’ve had coworkers you loved, systems you built from scratch, or even a sense of pride in being the go-to person on your team.

And when those things are gone — even if the job was toxic — it still hurts.

But because society doesn’t validate grief around work, you might feel silly or ashamed for feeling emotional. Like you should just be relieved and move on.

Here’s the truth: You’re allowed to mourn what you lost, even if it was toxic. Grief doesn’t just show up when something good ends. It shows up when anything changes in a way that deeply affects you.

How to Start Healing From Career Shame

If you’re navigating shame after leaving a toxic job, here are 3 things I want you to remember:

1. Recognize the toxicity for what it was.
You didn't leave "too soon." You didn't give up. You did what needed to be done. Take some time to reflect on the patterns that made your environment toxic. Write them down. Name them out loud. Call it what it was.

Because the more clearly you see the truth of what you left, the less power shame has over you.

2. Reframe your story.
You're not running away from something. You're running toward something better.

If your story right now sounds like, “I had to leave because I couldn’t take it anymore,” let’s reframe that to: “I made a bold decision to choose my well-being and peace over a paycheck.” That’s power. That’s purpose. That’s alignment.

3. Surround yourself with support.
Healing doesn't happen in isolation. You don’t need to process everything on your own. In fact, you weren’t meant to.

That’s why I created Find Your Fulfilling Career (FYFC) — my 12-month coaching program that helps professional women:

• Discover work they’re excited about using my VISA Framework
• Land higher-paying roles that align with their strengths and values
• Heal from toxic work experiences and rebuild their career confidence

We’ve had women come in who felt completely broken after their last job, and 90 days later, they’re interviewing for roles they once felt unqualified for. That’s the power of clarity, strategy, and support.

You don't have to stay stuck in shame.

You deserve a career that energizes you, not drains you. You deserve to be proud of how you showed up for yourself. And you deserve to move forward with hope, confidence, and clarity.

If you’re ready to take that next step, join us inside FYFC.

📍 Doors are open now! Click here to learn more and join us today: findyourfulfillingcareer.com

Because leaving a toxic job isn’t the end of your story, it's the beginning of your best chapter yet.